trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
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I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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