i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
