Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
