it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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