it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
