I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize