Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
