READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
