I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i think my tv is drunk
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
