i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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