Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
