You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i dont even know how to be here
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
