omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
