Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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