But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
