Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
