Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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