Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I just gift wrapped bread.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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