Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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