Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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