boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
