I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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