wake up i wanna do it froggy style
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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