At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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