i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
