My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
COCAINE IS GR8
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
