You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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