I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
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THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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