dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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