...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize