There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
