Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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