dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
