She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
