I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
