last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
