She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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