walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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