Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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