He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
