well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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