I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
