I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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