life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
