Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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