3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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