I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
