Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
