Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
do herpes really smell.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
