Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
