btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
