life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
