I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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