ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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