was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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