Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
