My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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