Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
