I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize