last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
