He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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