I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
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He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
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I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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